This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
