a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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