Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
