I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
