She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
