dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
