I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
