Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
