Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
