your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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