she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
