how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
