You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
