I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
