I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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