Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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