i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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