I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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