I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
