My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
