no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
