literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
