I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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