Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
