When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
