there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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