So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize