How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
