My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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