I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
