he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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