she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
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