is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
