Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
