we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
