blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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