In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
