I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
