in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
