just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
