Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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