Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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