just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
