I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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