I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize