I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
