She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
