Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize