Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
