So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
