Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
