i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
