ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize