please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
