Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
