Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Randomize
