he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
