Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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