Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
