Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
