can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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