I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
