You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
