is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
