I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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