I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
