if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
